June 20, 2016

So I’m starting to feel a bit of interest in the July NaNo camp. Like, I read something that reminds me it’s coming up, and I actually feel a bit like it might be fun.

Part of my hesitation has less to do with an underwhelming amount of enthusiasm, and more about trying to break myself of the ‘writing only during NaNo’ habit. Writing seems to be a bit of a seasonal event with me, where I only write during NaNo. For years, I only wrote during November, barring the occasional attempt at blogging.  Doing the summer camps has increased my output, no question, but it’s still a seasonal thing, merely extended by a couple of months.

And I want more than that. I want to write, outside of NaNo, an entire novel. I want to edit that rough draft. I want to put it together so I can have a bound book sitting on my shelf, with my name* on it. And I want to do this over and over again, till I’ve got a whole bunch of my stories out of my head and onto the page.

I want to not need NaNo. I want to master the ability to sit at my computer and produce words. I want to have NaNo be the month I have fun with writing, and not be the only time I get shit done.

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*Well, sort of my name; I want to use my pen name, as I rather like the one I came up with.

The perfect distraction

Is thinking up a new story. Because having dozens and dozens of unwritten story ideas already waiting isn’t enough, lol.

A good friend recommended Sarah Addison Allen, and despite the fact that I was only looking for something to read till the next time one of my fav authors put out a new book, I got hooked, lol. Reminds me of Practical Magic, though Allen has her own flavour.

And now I can’t get the whole style out of my head. I keep thinking of character ideas, which is unusual for me; usually I start with a scene, and then figure out the characters as I play with the idea. Now I have characters, and am trying to work out the story!

I’m really, really tired of writing my current story. Three more days and I can run away!

 

Another update

I’ve gotten behind on blogging, which is a sign of anxiety, I think.

Anyway, I’ve been in a cycle of not writing for days, and then pushing out the wordcount I need in bursts that keep me up way too late into the night. Reluctance, anxiety, blah blah blah. All stuff that keeps hitting me and I have to stop for a bit, then struggle to get back into it.

You can have NO idea how much I’m looking forward to the end of April!

I’m more or less where I’m supposed to be though, which is nice if surprising.

I think part of my struggle is the desire to fix things. I’m looking at the frantically thrown out words I’m writing, and all I can think about is how I got it wrong. But I’m being smart; instead of going back and rewriting things, I’m keeping a list of the areas I don’t think are right and what I think the proper tone/missing bit is.

Arcana by Charlie-Bowater

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April something or other

I’ve kinda gotten off track with my writing this month, which resulted in me avoiding making a post, because then I’d have to admit it.

My three days of stress didn’t simply lift and float away, making writing a breeze. I felt a huge kind of relief for the first hour or so, and then I got a headache, as all the muscle tension of three days of stress finally started to come out, and I spent Friday in a bit of drugged haze.

So I didn’t write.

Continue reading

Day 2 of stress

It’s the 2nd of 3 days in a row of dealing with someone I prefer to avoid, and the stress makes me want to curl up in a ball and sleep.

Ugh.

So hard to write, its not an escape at the moment, because I have this person in my head, and its totally antithetical to the writing. I’m in the middle of happy stuff, setting the scene so that when it all gets hit with a crisis later on, it has more impact.

Writing happy stuff when I’m mired in Crappy Stuff is hard. I want to feel the joy as I write the happy stuff, not feel like crap and try to do it anyway. When I did try to write the happy stuff and be happy, it screwed with my head while dealing with the Crappy Stuff because I wasn’t in the right mindset.

I’m going to try to jump over the happy stuff, and write some of the crisis stuff, see if it suits where I am in my head more.

UPDATE: Writing later, grimmer stuff worked. Yay.