Never quite good enough

The thing with anxiety is, no matter what you write, or how much, it’s never quite right.

I worry about whether it’s crap. I worry that I’m writing the wrong story. I see phenomenal wordcounts (there are bastards who write 100,000 words in a month!!!) and worry I’m not measuring up.

It’s like a song in my head, always droning on. Shutting off the sound of it is tricky.

I tell myself it’s just a hobby. That it’s a soothing routine, a strange form of meditation. That all that keyboard clicking is good exercise for my fingers. I remind myself that it’s all just for me, a gift to myself. And all of these things are true, which helps a lot.

And then I turn up some music (headphones are preferable), and I do it. So long as I can fool the anxiety, I can write.

And sometimes, I go play bejewelled instead.

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4 thoughts on “Never quite good enough

  1. chekistocrat says:

    Comrade, I know you know this, being far too harsh on yourself innit 😦

    I write far too much and I am a very anxious person as well, but mine is more like talking all the time. All the words and thoughts fight together in my head and try to get out. You sound like a perfectionist instead, you don’t really want to write unless it’s right first time, but can it be ever? Can anyone do that, I don’t think so.

    I sometimes pull posts for quality control and sometimes because I get chats and DMs from stealth readers saying “That wasn’t a wise admission.” I got no filter but I think you have too big a one, I think you should get the angry cat in your picture to scratch a hole in it for you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, I know I’m too hypercritical with myself, I’m working on it, lol. I definitely have too… thick… a filter, I can trace it back to ‘helpful criticism’ that wasn’t particularly helpful. Nanowrimo breaks down my filter, will keep trying to spread that to the rest of my writing!

      Liked by 2 people

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