I ain’t afraid of no ghosts

Sometimes, the easiest solution to a stressful situation is to re-imagine it in a non-scary way. In other words, sometimes I lie to myself.

In a very on point example, because I wasn’t expecting anyone but friends to read this blog, I have been experiencing anxiety about having new people show up and give me a thumbs up on occasion. So last night I told myself, “Don’t be silly; it’s really just your friends faking accounts and liking your stuff so you feel good.”

This is intentionally a very weak lie; no point in feeding paranoia, after all! I know my friends aren’t really doing this; my friends wouldn’t do anything this complicated and overly convoluted. And they all know about my anxiety; they’d never intentionally do something to stress me out. But the lie is just, *just*, plausible enough to the anxious part of me that it has paused to chew this over.

I am, the majority of the time, against lying to myself and people I care about. It also triggers memories of being treated like shit, so I go out of my way to avoid being like Those People. But to ease the beast, I am willing to bend a little. Sometimes, I have to do whatever it takes to make my world functional.

Eventually, I won’t need the lie. I will be able to see a ‘like’ and not freak out. But until I get used to it, I’ll just remember the little fairy tale I’ve created, and my anxiety becomes manageable. (It also helps that the new blog! thing has eased and only the faithful 2 readers remain.)

And just because I picked the post title before I heard the news, which amused me, here’s a link to the first set photos of the Ghostbusters reboot:

http://www.businessinsider.com/ghostbusters-women-in-uniform-2015-7

EDIT: It took 3 days, but I can now graciously accept that people have looked at my blog and not freak out.

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4 thoughts on “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts

  1. x934z says:

    I wonder how much female socialisation contributes to this type of anxiety? We’re brought up, mostly, to believe ourselves unworthy.

    Anyway, hugs.

    Like

  2. chekistocrat says:

    Sorry, I really am a Scottish Leninist and not an IRL friend (I can show you my Party card if you want) 🙂

    Anxiety is a shitter, but this is a good blog which I am enjoying. I have never done such a writing challenge and I couldn’t – it’s fascinating how it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

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