When I put this blog together, I never imagined that anyone would actually read it, beyond a few friends (you know, those friends you mention it to so you can feel good about having had some traffic?).
I’ve discovered, however, that even having a few friends reading it is fucking stressful. Now I understand why one comrade always talked to ‘my two readers’. Because having more than one or two (though I would argue that even having one or two is strange) readers puts all sorts of new worries into my head.
Do I have enough ideas to post about? Oh gods, I was funny; am I going to have to be funny on a regular basis? Is there a formula I can use to calculate the exact number of humourous posts I need to supply before I disappoint everyone? Am I being too depressing? Because I can drone on and on about crap, but then I’d just depress the hell out of myself.
I had a livejournal years ago (technically I still have it, but it’s LJ; enough said), and I can confidently say that I never had more than a single person read it, and that one only did because we were nano buddies. I’ve also run blogs out of blogger and other sites, none of which got any traffic except the one friend I told to go visit.
So my experience, to date, is that blogging is an online journal that no one reads, so it’s a safe outlet for blurting out all the stuff in my head, so that I can look at it and learn things about myself. Will I start censoring myself? Oh gods, will I have to defend something I’ve posted because sometimes I just throw words out there?
On the plus side, I now have another topic to write about; blogging and anxiety!